Pokemonare cute, but theyre not cute all the time.
I am a very serious person and this is a very serious article.
Lets judge some weird Pokemon.
Garbodor
Im sorry Garbodor, but youre the whole reason this list exists.
Introduced in Pokemon Black and White, Garbodor was arguably the beginning of an unhealthy pattern in Pokemon design.
Its evolution Garbodor on the other hand, is a monstrosity.
What are those blue and pink stone-like objects scattered around its amorphous body?
Why does it have pipes and rebar for limbs?
Whos throwing construction equipment in the trash?
Garbodor, you confuse me.
Frankly, Im just impressed how much The Pokemon Company managed to squeeze out of an apple.
Applin, I award you two stars.
Youre almost weird enough to impress me, but you make no biological sense.
Mimikyu
Mimikyu gets five stars right out of the gate.
Here is one of the weirdest Pokemon ever made, and it’s all the more compelling for it.
This Ghost-throw in Pokemon hides underneath an old rag to disguise itself as a tiny misshapen Pikachu.
The Pokemon underneath the rag also holds up a small stick to resemble Pikachus tail.
When it gets damaged in battle, the fake Pikachu head lolls backward, exposing its ruse.
Although it consumes its keys, it will often hold on to a few forever out of sentimentality.
Nobles apparently used Klefkis to store vault keys.
Now, a number of these things make no sense.
How many keys are people just throwing away in the wild for Klefkis to find?
Why would you give vault keys to a Pokemon that eats them?
Thankfully, Klefki doesnt have any further evolutions, so the nonsensical buck stops here.
Show me what’s in those old-timey vaults!
Klinklang is the final evolution of Klink and - you guessed it - Klang.
The Pokemon gives the impression of four interlocking gears that work to generate energy for its red core.
Zero out of five stars, even with the novel onomatopoeia.
Swalot
Swalot makes me uncomfortable.
Its lips appear to be puckered, and it has three blobs for fingers.
What is it about this Pokemon?
Is it the small beady eyes, the lips puckered up for a kiss or the cartoonishly creepy moustache?
Either way, this is one Pokemon Ill leave out of my party anyday.
Two out of five stars.
Its quite literally a bag.
If youre going to spin Pokemon out of everyday objects, this is the way to do it.
What truly makes Drifloon equal parts fascinating and strange is its lore.
Five out of five stars, because ghost Pokemon rule.
Conkeldurr
Conkeldurr is another one of Pokemon Black and Whites strangest introductions to the Pokedex.
If it fails to measure up to the other Pokemon, it lies low for a little while.
Poor thing, all it has to show for itself are big muscles and two blocks of concrete.
That aside, what really makes Conkeldurr strange is how utterly unnecessary it seems to be.
Gothitelle
Is that Cruella de Vil or a Pokemon?
Im not too sure.
If Wednesday Addams was a Pokemon with a love for excess, she would be Gothitelle.
Gothitelles Pokedex entries make it a lot more interesting.
Three out of five stars, because I want to see what Gothitelle sees.
Both swords communicate telepathically.
As far as uninspired Pokemon go, this is pretty damning.
One out of five stars, because at least it evolves into something cool eventually.
